thecosmicdance's Journal

I don't have to forgive you. Okay..what?
The words "I'm not a Christian, I don't have to be forgiving". Who said that? Our beliefs are based on the same basic moral code, and I'm a little disturbed by the concept of someone actually believing they're not obligated to forgive. I'm not picking a fight here- why would I pick a fight with anyone who might not forgive me?

I'm seriously turned off by any teachings that would actually you know, teach something like "you don't have to forgive".

I'm not trying to lecture people and be all moral high ground and "you're doing it wrong" because that really bugs me when people do it in regard to *my* faith (and uh-they do that constantly). I'm just saying... I don't see the obligation to forgive as some type of flaw or as something a person should be cheerful about not having to do. In Christianity, of course, you are taught that there is absolutely no excuse ever good enough for not forgiving, and that makes a difference, I'm not denying that.

If you mean "I don't have to let people walk all over me" then fine. I get that. But "I forgive you" doesn't mean "I am now your doormat" either. In a flocked post on my Livejournal, the most recent post in fact, I ranted that someone on my flist had said something I felt was insulting. She posted two apologies on her own journal and then commented on mine to apologize again. I said "I accept your apology" and that's it. The conflict is over. We are all now allowed to move on with our lives and nobody has to swear vengeance on anyone else.

I'm also not saying that you have to forgive before you're ready to. If you're never ready, then you're never ready. You don't have to pretend to forgive someone when you're not sure you can (that rather defeats the purpose of the whole concept). And no, sometimes we just can't forgive. I can't always do it, it's one of my biggest flaws, the supreme, almost pathological inablity to just let it go. But that doesn't mean I get to go around saying I don't have to try, or at least seriously consider making the effort. My inability to let things go is *my* problem, I own it and I'm not gonna say my religion gives me permission to be this way because it doesn't. This is me, hi, I'm a bitch.

Of course, I don't *have* to do anything, including brushing my teeth and getting out of bed in the morning. But I *should*. And I hate telling anyone that they "should" do anything, because people hate that. But there you go. *Not* forgiving never gets you anywhere except stuck in an endless cycle of feuds and it never gets you anything except ulcers.

I've also noticed that people who can't forgive can seldom apologize either. If you don't forgive, it decreases the chance of your being forgiven in return for anything you may do in the future. You're almost definitely going to do something in the future that you will need to be forgiven for, and won't that be interesting if someone turns around and says "I don't have to forgive you."

After all, it is all about treating other people as you would like to be treated (otherwise known as dude, you know this one, it's one of the most important rules of like five different religions including yours) so why do you try to get around that by saying "my religion doesn't specifically say I have to do it, so I don't believe I do" when that very thought violates the rule I just stated.

Current Mood: confused